mikeparsons prophetic timetable 3 sessions

#MIKEPARSONS PROPHETIC TIMETABLE 3 SESSIONS TV#

This summer’s church carnival included a dunking tank, where softball throwers with good aim could make a big splash with the pastor.

“Mama would’ve at least given everybody some corn bread and sweet tea.” “Because that was the poorest meal I’ve ever seen,” she said. “How do you know that, dear?” asked her grandma. She could hardly wait to get back to the pew to tell her grandma that Jesus wasn’t from Alabama. The congregation filed up to the altar rail, and the child watched in confusion as her grandparents received a wafer and small plastic cup of wine. When the pastor announced it was time for the Lord’s Supper, she was excited–and hungry. “I asked God to help me put up with you.”Ī little girl from Alabama went to church for the first time ever when she was visiting her grandparents in Michigan. “So did I! I prayed that God would grant us both peaceful hearts and a fresh start.” “I suggest we go home and pray to God to grant us peaceful hearts,” said Pastor Larson as Sven stormed past him into the churchyard.Īfter worship the next Sunday morning, Sven greeted Pastor Larson warmly. Pastor Larson and his council president, Sven Johnson ended up in a heated argument over a seemingly minor worship detail. “Yes,” said the visitor, “and after today’s sermon, I suppose I’m just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting.” “My friend,” said the pastor, “Didn’t you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?” But there was a stranger in their midst - a visitor who had never attended their church before.

There will be a meeting of the Church Board immediately after the service,” announced the pastor.Īfter the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the sanctuary for the announced meeting.

The Giants and the Angels were rained out. Have you heard about the first baseball game in the Bible? Just try to remember that what we see before us is only the husk, the shell of your dear husband–the nut has gone to heaven.” Standing before the open casket, the nervous young pastor said, “I realize this must be a very hard blow for you, Mrs. The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”Ī newly-ordained pastor, in the first days of his first call, was attempting to console the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. God is talking to one of his angels and says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. “But you must give me a raise,” said the pastor. After the meeting the chair of council told the pastor: “We are very sorry, Pastor, but we decided that we cannot give you a raise next year.” The church council met to discuss the pastor’s compensation package for the coming year. Words of wisdom: “There’s a fine line between a long, drawn-out sermon and a hostage situation.” He took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come with me this morning, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”Ī devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb.

#MIKEPARSONS PROPHETIC TIMETABLE 3 SESSIONS TV#

The curious usher bent over to retrieve it for her and whispered, “Do you always carry your TV remote to church?” Smartt was fumbling in her purse for her offering when a large television remote fell out and clattered into the aisle. It just ‘taint yours, and it ‘taint mine,” she replied.

It’s tainted!”Īfter a few seconds he whispered, “But, mommy, why was the money tainted? Was it dirty? “You don’t want that money, honey,” she whispered in his ear. Timmy didn’t want to put his money in the offering plate Sunday morning, so his mother decided to use some hurried creative reasoning with him.

Mikeparsons prophetic timetable 3 sessions